The Intermediary – November 2025 - Flipbook - Page 100
B RO K E R B U S I N E S S
Opinion
Trust me,
I’m a psychologist…
S
o, ‘Celebrity Traitors’ has
finished. It made me
reconsider trust. People
were so prepared to
trust, based on the most
ridiculous logic, with
oen devastating consequences.
I have always been amazed by the
trust people put in me before they
have enough evidence to judge me
accurately. Before clients have even
seled in their seat, innermost secrets
are revealed with a sigh of relief. I
have a deep ethical commitment to
confidentiality, but they don’t always
know that.
I always start coaching from the
inside out. To trust yourself, you must
know yourself, your strengths and
your values. Who are you? What do
you stand for? What are your values?
Years ago, I was unaware that
a client was observing me in a
challenging situation. She later said,
‘I knew what you would do’. I had not
known how I would react, but she
had a clear sense of my values that
predicted my behaviour. It made me
contemplate the values that are carved
through me like a stick of rock.
A client and I were recently talking
about his strengths. Honesty came
top. I asked, “Does it ever get you in
trouble? If so, why keep doing it?” He
answered: “Yes, I am accused of being
too direct, but it wouldn’t be me if I
didn’t. People trust me to tell them the
truth.” We agreed more diplomatic
style he could work on, while
maintaining his values.
Who and why?
The Trusted 10 exercise is a great
way to start. Who are the 10 people
(excluding family) you would you
trust with your secrets? Answer the
following about each of them: gender,
ethnicity, age, sexual orientation,
education, disability status, mental
status, and any other defining
characteristics. Looking at that list
laid out in black and white, how broad
94
The Intermediary | November 2025
or narrowly defined is your group? I
did this exercise with a Scandinavian
bank, where participants laughingly
realised everyone on their list was both
the same nationality and blonde!
We, very simply, instinctively trust
people who look or sound like us. It
helps to be aware of that. If someone
is a fellow Scot, I’ll give them an
unreasonable benefit of the doubt – I’ll
be immediately, intrusively friendly.
It’s a prejudice I admit I have.
We must work harder at
establishing trust in a wider range of
diverse people.
So, what builds trust? Here is a
crash course:
Be consistent and reliable:
Do what you say you will do and
follow through on small tasks and
commitments to build a reputation for
dependability.
Communicate openly and
honestly: Share your thoughts,
feelings, and experiences openly,
and address issues and challenges
transparently rather than
hiding them.
Show vulnerability: Be authentic
and open about your feelings and
experiences; taking responsibility for
mistakes also makes you more human
and trustworthy.
Listen and show respect: Actively
listen to others’ points of view, even if
you disagree, to foster understanding
and make them feel valued.
Set and respect boundaries: Share
your limits and respect the boundaries
of others, including physical space and
alone time, to build a foundation of
mutual respect.
Be empathic: Show that you care
by understanding and responding to
others’ needs and challenges.
Trust at work
There’s a lot of talk about culture,
yet achieving culture change seems
to defeat people. Start with defining
expected behaviour, refining
communication so people can hear
AVERIL LEIMON
is co-founder of
White Water Group
and act on what is said. It isn’t difficult
if you endorse consistency.
But what do you do when people
do not behave this way, especially if
they are your star or rainmaker? You
have to be ruthless in pursuing your
standards. Even if that means having
some difficult conversations and
losing people if they are incapable of
behaving as you indicate.
And when it goes wrong?
If you broke the trust:
Apologize sincerely. Offer a
genuine, heartfelt apology that takes
full responsibility for your actions
without making excuses.
Be transparent. Engage in open and
honest communication. Answer all
questions to show your commitment
to transparency.
Demonstrate commitment to
change. Show through your
actions that you are serious about
rebuilding.
Be patient. Understand that
regaining trust takes time.
If your trust was broken:
Acknowledge your feelings. It is
normal to feel angry, anxious,
or hurt. Grieve the loss of the
relationship as you knew it.
Communicate your needs and fears.
Express your concerns and what you
need to feel safe again.
Start with baby steps. Build trust
back slowly and gradually
Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is
personal. It doesn’t mean forgeing.
It involves releasing the hold the
betrayal has on you and deciding to
move forward.
People want to be able to work, and
performance is the icing on the cake. I
have recently done some short, lively
workshops on this topic. Let me know
if you want my help. ●
